I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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