im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
