I'm going to rape someone's good day.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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