On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
How does one acquire holy water?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
