I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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