but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
