His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize