You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
