waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize