I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
