I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize