Im at strip club and am horny
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
