You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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