he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
