my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize