No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Never joke about your clitoris.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
