I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
