I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
