We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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