the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
