Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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