2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
