I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
