I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
