omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
