i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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