Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
