i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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