where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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