Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
