Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
