four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
