UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
