thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my shit smells like andre
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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