When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
