im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
