you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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