Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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