oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize