And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
