this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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