My room smells like vodka and shame
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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