she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
