I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
