Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
