He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
