She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
