I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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