I think I just saw someone hide a body.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
