just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
