i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
