Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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