im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
