i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
