Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
