I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
