all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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