I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
