Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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