Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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