I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize