Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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