Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
