I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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