I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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