The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
