oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
