ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
