I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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