I wanna passion pit in your ass
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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